Activity 4 – Close comfort

Being there at the closing phase of anyone’s life is a privilege. This is a very special life event and in many ways is as significant as birth.

It is worth remembering that most people choose to die at home around the things and people which are familiar to them. It is extremely important to establish the person’s wishes. It’s just as important that you ensure that the person is comfortable and without pain.

Communication

One of the most important things at this time is the way in which you communicate to the person. This can be the spoken word but will also include actions such as touching, stroking or a squeeze of the hand, all of which can be reassuring and soothing. Listening is also an important aspect of communication, even silences play their part. A sensitive approach can make all the difference to a person’s experience.

A person’s choice or the right to choose is as valid at this stage of life as at any other stage of life. For example although nutrition is vital to maintain health under normal circumstances at this stage of life it is not appropriate to worry about those refusing either food or drink.

Environment

The environment plays a very important part at this special time. Comfort is both physical and emotional. Try to make it as relaxing to be in as possible. Soft shades, colours and lighting are therapeutic. The room temperature should be warm. It is however quite common for people at this stage to complain of being hot or suffer some restlessness. Try to make them as comfortable as possible. At this stage of life you will also find that the person you are caring for will want to sleep more. Again this is quite normal and so try not to be overly concerned. Try not to be worried if sleep appears troubled, this too is quite normal.

Effects on you the carer

The process of caring for those at the end of life can be very time consuming. The physical and emotional strain on you towards the very end will be great. It would be of benefit if you had someone to talk to and to share your concerns. Try not to do things all yourself. It would be beneficial if you could take short breaks from this caring role. More than anything you will need to ensure that you take care of yourself.

Sometimes, when someone is nearing the end of their lives they often want `to put their house in order’. This means sorting out unresolved issues, perhaps with friends or other family members. This can be a very emotional time for all. Try to stand back or smooth the way if any disputes arise. This could make matters worse and can be very tiring. Comfort and support at this time will be the key. Share memories and try to remain positive. Sometimes it may be appropriate to discuss religious or spiritual beliefs at this time. Use your own judgement. You will know best.

In order to look after yourself, find time to share your emotions with a friend or relative if you can. Try not to keep all your thoughts or worries inside – find time to share them. (Use the contacts below if you are alone). This will make you feel better and give you a different perspective on things.

Useful contacts

Cruse helpline number 08444779400 or helpline@cruse.org.uk
Norfolk Carers Helpline on 0808 8089876